Happier Habits 

Growth Spurts

Many of us feel that we’ve stopped growing up when we buy our first G&T with our own money earned in our first job.  But building a happier life is knowing that you are an ever-evolving, growing work in progress.   Awareness is your superpower (and then intention in Week 4 is your GPS).

It’s really easy for women to grow up and get serious really quickly.  One minute we're chasing adventure, and the next we're chasing our tails. We take on all the responsibility and become the practical parent, partner, daughter, colleague.  It’s so important to remember amid all that mayhem, that you keep connected to the part of you who wants to try new things, experience joy for the sake of joy not to check a list, to belly laugh, to replace shame with a smile when you do something stupid. It’s about being aware of your happiness audit and knowing what areas of your life would you like to grow more in? 

I always believed I wasn’t one of those people who could swim in cold water. I love water but only the warm, tropical kind, thank you. And even then I never liked my face in the water. For years I stood on the beach in Donegal as my girls played in the waves because I 'wasn’t one of those people'.  Then I threw myself in a lake one day because I realised that I was missing out on something all the women around me seemed to be revelling in, and frankly I’d endured so much emotional pain, I reckoned I could take any physical pain. I emerged from that plunge a different woman. I know now that there is glory beyond the initial gasping discomfort. My body hadn't changed, only my mind. After a lifetime of being afraid to put my face in water, I took a swimming lesson (at the tender age of 49), and learned to breath properly. There is no better joy than walking into the sea now in Donegal and becoming a mermaid with my girls. I had to step out of my comfort zone and into the growth zone. (The picture above is me swimming in sunset in a lake in Monaghan recently).

To Be(lieve) or not to Be(lieve)

This thing about comfort zones is that we think we are safe there. But the comfort zone is actually like a muscle. It contracts when not exercised. That’s why people often lose their confidence as they get older. We actually have to keep expanding our comfort zone to stay comfortable (and happier). One thing that can hold us back from having growth spurts and expanding our comfort zones are beliefs we have about our capacity, capability and potential.

Since I broke my self-imposed 10km limit and also learned to swim, I started looking everywhere for these self-limiting beliefs and it has constantly pushed out my comfort zone. As a coach it’s something I listen out for in every session, because most of the time these beliefs are so deeply embedded you aren’t even aware of them. That's why awareness is so key. 

The most important words you hear are the ones you tell yourself. Remembering you are not your thoughts and beliefs, staying curious and constantly challenging your habits and patterns means you are more likely to move forward with courage and confidence than hold yourself back with doubt and despair. We all have them: beliefs about ourselves, our abilities, and the world around us that have come from culture, interpretations of experiences, parents, peers etc and often we never challenge them to see if they are true, or holding us back.

Self-limiting beliefs are assumptions or perceptions that you've got about yourself, and about the way the world works.

These assumptions are “self-limiting” because in some way they're holding you back from achieving what you are capable of - and often are totally baseless.

If they are about yourself, they can be about any aspect of you:

• the way you look
• the way you think
• how you will be seen your capability
• your experience
• your potential
• your personality
• your capacity

If they about your life or the world around you, they can be about any aspect of that:

• the time you have
• the opportunities you have
• the resources you have
• the respect you garner
• what you deserve

They are invisible chains - usually of your own making - that yank you back every time you try to push yourself to do something new / scary / different / exciting / ambitious / out of your comfort zone.

The more connected you are to yourself, the more you will start hearing them, and hopefully, challenging them. They often sound like "I can't..." or "I should..." but are always very definite!  Self-limiting beliefs are just that; beliefs, like Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy. Only when you challenge them by identifying their source, and looking for proof do you learn the real truth and then you get to chose a belief that moves you forward instead of holding you back.