Happier Habits

Programme

Mattering more in your own midlife

Week Four -

Reflection

Hello and welcome to Week Four of your Happier Habits programme!

I can't believe it's our last week! Below is a short video to explain this week's theme, the download for the PlaySheet and the guidance for this week. Any questions just get in touch on the WhatsApp group or by email. Cheers!

_^“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with this one wild and precious life?_^”

Mary Oliver, poet, legend.

Download PlaySheet here

Week 4 -Reflection

Bookend your day

We are often living mile-a-minute lives, lurching from one drama to another, reacting constantly to all those external demands and expectations, or else we can be aimlessly wandering through our days without direction or reflection.

In the last few weeks you’ve started to cultivate habits that give you that direction, that GPS for your day, that ability to start feeling you are running your days rather than be run down by them.

Reflection then is where you start to make sense of your day. It’s where you start to see the impact of cultivating that attitude of gratitude; start to understand the power of the active choices you’ve been making in response not reaction to your day; understand what happens when you check in with your mood and plan accordingly, being intentional about the glimmers in your life; when you act and think with intention to get in front of your day, not constantly running around with your hair on fire and your knickers in a twist.

Like the check-in at the beginning of the day, the end of day reflection bookends all the emotions and reactions and triggers and demands thrown at you, and allows you to take a deep breath and realise you‘re still standing, to laugh at some of them, to let others go, or to take note of something so you can process it properly.

Taking stock

Reflection is the chance to review on what’s working and what’s not, to keep your level of awareness up and to be far more intentional about your GPS so you know when and how to course correct if needs be.

You can do this in minutes or you can take your time. I'm including my Midlife Daily Journal Prompt in the playsheet, to pull all this together on a daily basis and some nights the Reflection takes me two minutes and other times I let it all pour out. You are just taking a beat to look back on your day and remind yourself of the moments that mattered, and think about how it impacted you and where you might have made a different choice. It’s not about reporting the drama of the day or a review of everything that happened, but a reflection on how you are, a chance to process moments and experiences, and build a strong connection to yourself. Reflecting just means taking a beat to be here while you’re here, to go back over your day, to remember that lovely moment that was immediately swept away by a phonecall or an email. To remember the kind moments, the ones you want more of, to appreciate that walk and acknowledge the amount you got done today. To pat yourself on the back for not killing anyone, to reward yourself for growing a little today because you responded to a higher aim rather than reacted at base level. What went well? What do you want more of? What made you feel alive? What would you do differently?

Becoming

One thing I hope this Happier Habits Programme has shown you is that you are a glorious work in progress. That life is in perpetual motion and what is true today, may not be the same tomorrow.

By building a dynamic, relationship with yourself you are harnessing all of your life experiences and learnings, investing in a happier today and all your future selves. You are never done becoming. And self-investment is not about money necessarily, but about investing in that becoming, daily.

It means not striving to be get somewhere, or waiting for the time when you're thinner, divorced, met someone, got your shit together. It means investing energy, thought, time, curiosity, attention, intention, every day on who you are, how you are, where you are, where you are heading, and what you need and want. It's getting off default mode at least some of the time, and embracing your life with agency and attitude. It's committing and investing the time to check in every day, be proactive in how you want to feel, consciously ensuring the things that bring back your mood, or make you feel more alive or connected to yourself happen, being intentional about your actions, and reflecting on your progress, your reactions and responses. It's about remembering that you are not in fact, a human doing, but a human being.

Daily Reflection

In the PlaySheet, reflect back on your day… just the process of stopping to check in with how you are and how the day’s events have impacted you allows you to make sense of it before Primal Pam gets hysterical behind the scenes. It’s another chance for you to respond rather than react by taking a beat and thinking, ‘actually it wasn’t that bad’, or, ‘she was just in a bad mood and it had nothing to do with me’. It doesn’t have to be done last thing at night, although it’s in the journal guide for then. It could be being intentional about taking a few minutes to go over your day in a walk after dinner, or while you make the dinner, or while you clean your teeth. The key is to pause and reflect on this one day that you’ll never get again so why not give it its due?

Lifetime reflection

In the PlaySheet, pick a time in your past. Maybe a time when you were much younger, and life wasn’t necessarily going to plan. Or it was going to plan but it felt really scary and you didn’t have the confidence to enjoy it. Now I want you to write to her from your present day self. What advice would you give her? What wisdom, on reflection, would you share with her to make her life just that little bit easier. What are you proud of her for already, and what awaits her… yes including the wrecking balls that might have come along.. but what resilience will she show, what bravery does she already have inside her? Reflect on where you are now to her and what have been the highlights and the unexpected gifts.

Your Midlife Mantra

In the PlaySheet, write out a Midlife Mantra that will keep you motivated, focussed on the direction you want, and create an anchor for the future. Because life will come with lots of white noise and lots of curveballs (and lots of opportunities) and this will be your North Star.

This can be a statement, a paragraph, a warrior cry, a letter to yourself, an essay or a few words.

It is your promise and guidance to yourself, to be your best champion, to steer you with intention and investment in yourself to the place you want to go and the way you want your life to feel. It is your GPS, your guiding light, your vision and mission. It can’t just be a destination, but a proactive empowering motivation for when the shit hits the fan and when the sun shines, so always mattering more in your own midlife.